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Verlaine's letter to Rimbaud (3rd July, 1873)

At sea,

My friend,

I don't know if you will be still in London when this letter arrives to you. Yet I want you to know that you must, basically, understand, finally, that I absolutely had to go, that this violent life with all these scenes without any reason than your whim couldn't the hell suit me anymore!

But, as I loved you immensely (Evil be to him who evil thinks) I want to confirm to you too that, if in three days, I'm not r' with my wife, in perfect conditions, I will blow my face out. 3 days in hotel, a rivolvita, that costs: the reason for my "stinginess" of this afternoon. You should forgive me. - If, as it is too probable, I must do that last damned stupid thing, I at least will do it as a good idiot. - My last thought, my friend, will be for you, you who called me all the worse this afternoon, and that I didn't want to join because I had to pop off, - FINALLY!

Do you want that I kiss you while I'm dying?

Your poor

P. Verlaine

Anyway, we will not see each other anymore. If my wife comes, you will receive my address, and I hope you will write to me. While waiting, for three days, no more, no less, Brussels poste restante, - with my name. Give back to Barrere his three books.